Gareth Newton-Williams

Author: Gareth

  • Scribbles

    Perhaps write something fictional? A juxtaposition of two or more things.

    I read once that writers block describes the experience of a person trying something better than they are capable of writing. It’s not that they cannot write at all, merely that the words which can flow through them an onto the page are not as good as they would like them to be.

    This might be one of the most helpful things I have ever read, after all, if I am ever stuck I can simply lower my expectations of myself until I am unstuck. Ironically, once I am unstick there is a reasonable chance I find myself writing something worthwhile after all.

    As he brushed a long hair

    These were at least some of the thoughts occupying Paul’s mind as he brushed a long hair out of his eye and back over his head. As he returned his gaze to the screen, it fell back to where it had been, tickling the thin skin around his temple and moving about so that he twitched and spasmed involuntarily as his body sought to protect his eyes from his own hair.

    With a gentle sinking despair Paul reminded himself that it was he who selected the hairdresser, a cheerful and slightly rotund lady who had the manner of a woman who was very beautiful when she was younger and who hasn’t forgotten how it felt to be desired by almost all men, it was also he who selected the cut, short back and sides, keep the length on top please, and it was still he who styled it every morning, pushing the long curly hair back across his forehead and pressing it down with wax to keep it out of the way.

    Blinking and trying to ignore the errant strands he tried to re-read what he had just written, but the words glossed over and he found himself imagining what Pauline might have been like in her prime. The shape of her body before she settled down with John, her sensible second husband, who had loved her since they were at school together. The children weren’t Johns, although the youngest looked like him. Her aquiline nose leading many to think she was.

    A man named after part of a car

    No, the children belonged to Axel, yes, axel. A man named after part of a car, and to John’s own father, Michael. That John had married Pauline after that came out so publicly was a sure sign both of how hopelessly in love with Pauline he was and how little he valued himself. He couldn’t see it, but John’s careful consistent manner and broad shoulders caught the wandering eye of many women, but he had only ever had eyes for Pauline.

    Paul smiled, somehow John was breathlessly happy. He ran past Paul’s window around 6.15 every morning, steady footfalls pressuring Paul into starting his own day. Paul wonderered, fingers still  hovering over the keys rather than pressing them down where they might register a sentence or two on the screen, how many people who lived in the area started their day, or picked up the pace of what they were doing because of John’s metronomic footsteps passing by their windows, followed by his steady breathing.

  • In the office

    Good morning. I have come into the office and wanted to get a few hundred words written for myself before I make a start of writing the words other people need from me. In this case the script and slides for a presentation on Monday. I have left finishing that a bit late.

    One of my life’s questions really, why do I put things off when I enjoy being prepared and ready so much. There are good answers for this, including the general lack of consequences. However, while I wrote that sentence the morning sun is playing over the skin on the back of my hand which is no longer effortlessly tight and smooth but instead has the diamond shapes all over it of slightly less elastic skin which any sensible person would associate with a man in his early forties.

    I’m not a bag of bones yet, but I can lay less claim to youth. More important I can lay less claim to opportunity. Life is perhaps more than half done and while it is far too early to be complaining and whining I do feel the pressure to act rather than think about acting.

    I should give myself some credit. I have broken up with my ex L and bought a house. It’s a house which needs work and these are things already done. Now to continue doing them.

    My eldest, N, is pretty busy, with sport, with friends, with trying to start romantic relationships, with learning to live and work in a new country when you have the passport but perhaps not all of the attitudes and ideas which make the place work. There are some lessons for me there in thinking about moving to China.

    It is something I want to do and I really need some clarity about why and what I want from the experience so I can be determined and purposeful when I am there. I have travelled to places a few times in my life and not enjoyed the sensation of walking out of the airport or port without a clear sense of why I am there, what I want to do and where I want to go.

    Some of the best experiences have been the reverse of this. When I am sure about my purpose and intention and how to go about achieving it.

    I read those two haiku to N, who winced a little at the second one. I had not noticed before how positive and light the first one is and how much that contrasts with the second which is more about some of the pain and loneliness of modern life.

    Yesterday I ate dinner at a pub called the Muggleton Inn. It was not especially pleasant, but it was filling and tasted ok. Across from me was a table with three middle-aged women seated at it. They sat quietly drinking their drinks and looking at things on their mobile phones. Each of them as alone as I was.

    Briefly I considered crossing over and asking whether they would like to have a chat. Not to flirt but just to lift themselves out of themselves and into a group. I thought it might be fun to arrange a Maidstone philosophy group and get some people together in a convenient place to talk about things the way Joel does in London. This would pull triple duty, giving me something to organise and be responsible for, introducing me to steady stream of new people and inevitably introducing me to new romantic prospects as well.

    Probably one of the things I enjoyed the most about Joel’s group was the steady stream of new and interesting women and the relatively neutral space to talk to them in. Worth admitting to myself and worth perhaps pursuing as I’m hardly a chat-up artist and I would appreciate having some company while I am working on the house over the next couple of years.

  • Writing stories

    Ben sent me a link to a story he’s written. Better, he’s recorded it, someone has provided illustrations and they’ve put it up on youtube as a multipart short story experience thingy. I watched the first part last night and thought a but about how impressive Ben’s output is. He is maintaining a relationship with his fiancé who needs some emotional support and care, he is running several related but independent podcasts and holding down a full time job as well.

    Impressive stuff really.

    The story wasn’t the greatest, but I must admit it’s vastly better than anything I have published, in part because I have never published anything. I am reminded of years and years ago when Pratchett gave the general encouragement – don’t say you want to write, just write. Followed by Abnett who said pretty much the same thing, The work is in putting the words down on the page and then working at them to make them better.

    Despite hearing this, perfectly sensible, advice from actual professional authors who make a crumb or two from writing words and selling them to people I have written surprisingly little. Preferring for much of my life to think about doing things rather than doing them.

    There are so many excuses and justifications available. Rest, illness, stress, anxiety, being busy with something else, worries about how it might go wrong, spending time researching, spending time designing, spending time thinking about whether or not it is the right thing to do.

    Ok, so I wandered off and spent a few minutes reading a summary from Claude. 西毒 is the character’s name, Western Venom. Xi Du. The last time a character landed on my so powerfully was when I was reading Ayn Rand. There’s something about people who honour their internal sense of righteousness and refuse to apologise or justify themselves in terms designed mainly to help other people feel more comfortable.

    Perhaps one of the reasons I thought about it is reading the short story Ben wrote. It’s good, there’s a clear plot, people are acting with purpose and there are plenty of references and fun ideas. Something was missing, and I think this is true of most good writing. When a situation is described well, when you become familiar with a character you can develop a sense of what they are going to do before they do it.

    As a scenario is described you can already see, as though it was also laid out, what the character is going to do. This creates a sense of attachment and involvement in the story. I can think of times when reading a story I have put the book down because I can feel so strongly what is going to happen, feel the pain of the inevitable mistake or the pain or loss before it has happened.

    There’s probably a term for this. My point here is that I think it was missing, or at least had not developed yet in Ben’s story. One of the reasons Dan Abnett leans so heavily on caricature and stereotype is that by setting out that his characters are typical examples of certain types you already have some sense of who they are. The highland sniper who keeps himself to himself and is a master of stealth. In just a few words you have some feel for who the oerson is and what they will do.

  • Late night haiku

    As I was getting ready for bed last night I asked myself whether I had written at least five hundred words. I felt confident I had. When I sat down just now at desk E1S 059 to write these words I felt a mild disappointment when I discovered that was not the case. However, I also felt a sort of gentle thrill. A recognition that by sitting down and asking myself these questions I am making some progress towards making this something I do.

    I am a person who makes time to write a few hundred words every day. They can be in any form, about the things I am doing and feeling, or perhaps a poem, verse or ideas which have occurred to me as I go about my life.

    Writing feels like a useful skill both in what I do day to day which often involves writing things designed to be easily understood by those who read them. It is something I can do privately and publish. There is always so much to be written about as there are so many people and each has their own perspective on both themselves and the world around them.

    One of the joys of being a person is to be able to read the things written by another person. To experience the echoes and shapes which we have, apparently in common, and to wonder at the alien, the unfamiliar, whether that be places, sounds and people we have never encountered ourselves.

    This combination of the familiar and unfamiliar is critical. The former lends weight and a sense of recognisable reality to the latter. I think this is partly why Harry Potter works so well the close combination of a fantastic plot and circumstances right next to a story about going to school, making friends, and growing up in the most wonderfully normal and average way, even if the adventures those friends go on to have could not be less normal.

    I have not written a haiku, an haiku? for years. It would be nice to write a couple of them now.

    Listening

    Journey with me, and

    While we walk together, I

    Will smile and listen

    Claude

    Alone in my room

    I quietly speak my truth

    To a dead machine

    I should perhaps read some more haiku or read about them before I write any more. Or perhaps I shouldn’t. It was hard to avoid replacing the desire to express myself well with the desire to write something others would consider good or worth sharing should I choose to post them somewhere on social media.

    I took a break in writing to talk to my colleagues as they arrived at the office. I was here first, which is unusual for me as I have been more than a little casual with my start times on this contract. That said, I felt a little spark of joy to drive myself to the office this morning, with another when I found my pass had been updated and I was able to access the car park without trouble.

  • Podcasting?

    Podcasting with Dave. These first three words are a note I left for myself while writing the previous entry. As I wrote it occurred to me that this is something he and I have talked about and is something we can probably do very well. He and I don’t agree. He brings out the contrarian in me and a little conflict between the presenters might make for a great show.

    Also, we are both likely to be living here for the next few years – oh, that just gave me the thought for the next entry. One moment caller. Ok, done.

    So, what makes for a great podcast?

    Presenters

    The most important thing? Alongside the topic or topics discussed is how you feel about the presenters. I know this is true because I have downloaded audio versions of books I already know I like only to not listen to them because I don’t like the narrator’s voice. Every moment of listening can be unpleasant and difficult, equally every moment can be a small pleasure when the tone, manner and accent fit gently into your audio environment.

    I listen to Ben’s podcast in two ways, first to listen. I ran through the Christmas episode yesterday while working in the house. That was a pleasure and a couple of times I had to stop while I laughed so hard I couldn’t see properly, the creases in my face restricting my vision. Is that a problem in evolutionary terms? Could you beat someone in a fight by first incapacitating them with a joke? Is this partly why it is so difficult to make someone laugh when they are angry, especially when they are angry with you?

    Potential Audience

    At some level, everyone is potential audience. If you make something interesting enough then everyone might dip in to listen to it. Perhaps that ought to inform the way you design a podcast. You want a sort of Venn between things which are direct and relevant to people who understand and know the space well. Discussions about rules and ideas and problems. Perhaps you also want to ensure the way you talk about those things means you make enough contact with the general themes and ideas of like that anyone could listen to you talk about it, even if they never intend to go deeper.

    Topics

    Closely related then are the topics you choose to talk about. I think our intent is to make a podcast about Warhammer: The Old World. That’s a tough one, as it is a niche game in a niche hobby, in a niche interest. Well, that’s still millions of people of course. The good news is that it is positively riddled with ideas and themes which can be opened up and made interesting to a wider audience.

    There are already plenty of people talking about it and the quality level is very low. Like basement level. So there is a good opening for content which is more carefully and consistently produced.

    But I think it would be better to refine our topic selection in a way which opens up the podcast for people outside of the Old World community. Perhaps the most obvious way to do that is to open it up to anyone interested in Fantasy wargames, even just the Warhammer Fantasy Battle games. There have been a series of them and there are people who own the models, like the stores, etc.

    Consistency

    This is the biggy. Ben and his crew have been super consistent. I should really ask him about it. There must have been many challenges along the way. This reminds me of the guy who runs a 5k every day. He talked about how this is usually very easy, but there are lots of days when it requires advance planning. For example when he flex long distance and needed to pack running gear in his carry on so he could run 10k (two runs back to back either side of midnight) to keep his streak running.

    Planning for consistency right from the outset feels like a good idea.

    An observation – writing with purpose is even easier than writing about myself and what I have been doing. Perhaps because of my desire to make myself sound more dynamic and interesting than I really am even to myself when I am alone and writing in my pyjamas? Hah, who knows?

  • Filler posts

    It is actually the 31 May 2026 and I have today created the idea of the filler day. This is a day where when I have the thoughts and energy, time and space I will sit down and, starting with the first empty entry write at least five hundred words for each of the available spaces.

    I don’t have anything especially pressing to do this morning, aside from the usual self-care things. So I have accidentally/deliberately not checked how many gaps need filling and I am only now realising I may have just committed myself to writing a few thousand words.

    Well, I believe I can. One of the most interesting parts of this new practice has been learning that 500 is both a very small and a medium number of words to write in a single sitting. Sometimes I get through the words very quickly and easily and find I am ending before I am ready to.

    Theres a whole level of disciple to think about in that. Not just sitting down, starting and getting to the end of my five hundred, but also arriving at the end and being ready to stop and move on to the next thing which needs to be done.

    Boy are there plenty of things which need to be done!

    Right now, 7.16am it is 18.7 degrees. This is a really comfortable temperature for me. I’m sitting in a cloudy blue tshirt and pyjamas. I’ve spent some time on Hinge and some other social media this morning and so in terms of material things I have gotten up, made my bed, switched on the PC and made a coffee. Oh, and I dried the dishes I washed last night.

    So while some things have gotten done, the list isn’t extensive. Along with this writing habit I started to read some of a good book every day. Yesterday I picked up Atomic Habits again and finished the chapter I had been reading. Getting through that book has stretched much farther than it needed to. Partly because I want to slow down and set myself some tasks. I can see how there is value to be gotten from the experience of reading and thinking about that book by putting some of the concepts into action, or at least making some Emma-style notes and putting them on my wall. I should snag some A3 paper.

    Last night I moved more of my things down to the front room. One of the outcomes is that I have a blank wall behind the computer monitor. Normally I would put this by a window, as this is better for Teams call lighting and gives me something to look at when I want to look away from the screen. However, there are just no power sockets on that side of the room, so this was really the only practical option.

    That translates to this realisation – the pressure to sort out the roof is also pushing me towards processing the upstairs rooms first. Moving one or both of the paper dividing walls feels like an entry level DIY job too. Something which will help me become more familiar with the structure of the house and make serious progress to. Ok, one down.