Struck

I have been watching the number of days without entries getting larger and larger. This is almost a week without an entry and that’s mildly alarming. It leaves me asking why. The weather outside is beautiful, stepping outside the front door to measure the roof of the garage at lunchtime today and the sunshine is warm and struck my face. I read once the sunshine really does strike your face. The photons, although their mass is extremely small, still have some mass so when you walk out into a bright light you really are feeling something even if it is infinitesimal, you’re feeling some sort of exertion of force on your face from the sunlight I don’t know if that’s apocryphal nonsense but certainly feels that way, maybe it’s just the warmth from the radiated heat?

Things are OK. I’ve got friends, I’m just about surviving financially, there’s the prospect of more work and I had a phone call about some more. I’ve got things to do, I’m making reasonable progress with the demolition work around the house and the preparation for the installation of the water tank. I am posting occasionally to Instagram, I’ve got some confidence in the future, I’m not too old, there’s lots of good things.

On the other hand I’m disappointed to be wrapping up this current role. Just a few days now and my contract will finish. I looked at the date when I got an extension. It’s great to get an extension. I just wish it had been for longer. Wishing is, alas, not an effective contract management tool.

The extension came just before I bought the house and programmes to have a tendency to have both a beginning and an end and contracting is all about limited periods of time so why am I upset at all?

A colleague, upon hearing I was moving on said his company would make some effort to try and place me if they could. He asked me to fill in a profile form so I am filling one of those in at the moment. I suppose it’s just the feeling of exiting when other people are continuing.

Which really just highlights the sensitivity. I do feel sensitive about it. I would rather we were all leaving at the same time. There was a time when I left a role at the same time as about 500 other people. That was when COVID really started to bite. There just wasn’t any work and looking back it is fair to say I came through that OK, although I was out of work for some time.

Come to think about it I got back into some kind of work straight away picking up contracts with a veterinary surgery, so I shouldn’t really complain.

I have just eaten dinner and I can feel it sitting inside me. It’s my fault as it’s not been so long since lunch. I now need to not eat anything else for the rest of the day so I can get back to that place where I feel light and airy but at the moment I’m very body conscious. It’s funny when you eat too much, suddenly you feel fat and you feel oily, greasy, and you feel like your clothes are a bit tight. Perhaps because they are. Maybe they are a bit tight, I mean who hasn’t eaten a dinner and you get to the end and you loosen your belt and lean back a little bit because you are so full. Perhaps that’s also not an illusion. Perhaps both phenomena are simply how it is.