The turning of the years

You know there’s something a little different about the days and weeks leading up to a birthday. I’m not talking about the anticipation of gifts. (I suppose that’s something that belongs firmly to childhood. Although if you are reading this and are considering buying me a fabulous gift please don’t allow yourself to be put off. Giving is a surefire path to joy and fulfillment. That’s what I always say, especially when I may be the recipient.) No instead I have found that the last few birthdays have been the cause of considerable thought about the year preceding them. I find myself occupied with the things that I have done and, more poignantly, not done.

This year has been true to those before. Starting gently a few months ago and building to a surprising intensity as the day draws closer I have felt a strange compulsion to muse. I find myself unable to follow a conversation, or read a book. Perhaps I should clarify that last point. I retain my capacity to recognise the words on the page, I can ‘read’, in that sense. I refer here to the ability to forget that you are reading. To immerse yourself in the words as your circumstances are forgotten the concept, message or tale woven by the words on the page/screen become a temporary reailty. That’s what I can’t do at the moment. The why goes unanswered.

As you grow steadily older there is something appalling about the highly productive lives of those who died before they reached your present age. Take Joan of Arc (19), Charles Sorley (20) for starters. Were I Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, I would have penned a considerable number of masterpieces at this point in my life. At the same time there is also hope, after all Jesus didn’t start teaching until He was thirty years old. I don’t think it’s possible for me to emulate His achievements but I do think that His example is useful. It shows that it’s not about what I have not done last year, but perhaps more about what I will do next year.

I find myself inclined to be generous and forgiving. Where I have been lax, I recognise the folly of youth. Where I have been inconsistent, I recognise the opportunity to improve. And improve I must will.

This year has brought some remarkable landmarks in my life. I have become a Father. Wow, that’s a short sentence. I’m not sure it really captures the world-changing, reality-shifting, priority-blasting experience that fatherhood is and should be for the uninitiated. I suppose it’s one of those salt things. You have to taste it to understand. Ahem. I have discovered that I will be a father again. I have suffered from Sciatica, a term not to be underestimated for it’s vile efficacy in destroying comfort. That particular episode brought home the perhaps obvious truth that where there is nerve damage there is not only pain, there is weakness. The first is tolerable, the latter is not. My right leg grew so weak that I could not extend my foot properly let alone hop or jump. My attempts to run or walk amused onlookers endlessly. You don’t laugh at the cripple, you laugh at the man who, clearly crippled, attempts the pretense of robust health.

Where does all of this fit in with Modern Warfare 2? I’m not sure. There’s something reassuring about steadily progressing through an organised rank system. Unlocking benefits and specialist equipment as you improve your in-game abilities with practice. It’s not just an opportunity to compete with other people inside an arbitrary environment it’s a chance to show myself that I’m still progressing. Perhaps I should spend more time logged out of the game and logged in to life.

What does that mean? Well before you think things are waxing metaphysical allow me to reassure you. They’re not. I’m going to be taking a group of friends to Laser Tag this weekend. Locally this phenomenon is known as Quasar. It’s a great game, and I tend to do very well. (It’s my inner thirteen year-old) Perhaps Friday night’s excessivley childish occassion will help to dispel this glowering cloud? Actually I’m confident that it will. My wife is baking a really big cake for after.

Call of Duty: The Empire Strikes

It appears that Microsoft are keen to disagree with me. It emerged this week that Microsoft have banned upto a million XBox consoles from accessing their live service. While Microsoft do conduct a sweep for modded consoles every November it can’t hurt to notice that the announcement this year aligns very neatly with the release of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Which in turn goes to show that timing really could be everything. Piracy hurts the gaming industry and it was a fist-in-air moment when I heard that Microsoft had found a way to put the brakes on some people’s abuse of their console.

Of course, given a few months, the cracker community will have a work around. Where there’s a will there’s a way. But I see this as an affirmation from the big M that COD:MW2 is in fact a great game. I may need to review my opinion. Now all I need to do is convince my wife that playing Modern Warfare 2 will in fact improve our relationship.

How am I going to pull that off?

Call of Duty: A sequel

Once upon a time I wrote reviews of PC games for a friend’s online publication. My experience playing games professionally has changed the way I read reviews today. I’m more aware of the reviewers desire to be fair, interesting and to cram the experience garnered from a few hours of gameplay into just a couple of  hundred words. It’s actually fun.

When you play the games you keep plenty of mental notes for later. You revel in exploring maps, not for upgrades and bonuses, but to divine the amount of effort that has gone into putting them together in the first place. I once caught myself counting how many different tree models had been used to generate a forest. After all, anything less than five is lazy right?

None of this will make it’s way to print. You just don’t have the space to talk about everything, instead you have to focus on how all of these observations made you feel about the game. You then communicate this as effectively as possible, usually while discussing the basic structure of the game and a small number of it’s central pros and cons. Half an hour later you have a review.

Which brings me neatly to my topic today. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Ignoring the content of the articles, which seems to be overwhelmingly good, the tone just down straight worries me. You see computer games take you to another place. They give you access to special powers and abilities. Evening saving your progress is a non-real experience. After all, when did you last “save” during that dificult chat with your boss so that you could go away and read some tips online? Exactly.

What this really means is that any good game will leave you feeling something. I’m not sure what term fits here. ‘Exalted’ is way too much, ’special’ has the wrong connotations and uplifted is heading in the wrong direction. Let’s call it the ‘buzz’, that’s snazzy and original right? Remember when you came out of Star Trek? You felt it then. Why, because not matter how you look at it, it was a good movie. It took you into outer space and showed you some cool stuff happening to some pretty cool characters. It’s the fact that it is so far from our experience of reality that gives you the buzz.

People that walked away from Watchmen didn’t have that feeling. I’m not one of them, but those who have described it to me never conveyed the impression that it had affected them. I don’t know about you but I want to walk away from entertainment entertained. I want to feel that something, that lift. The buzz.

All of the reviews I have read so far, despite their positive words, have conveyed a feeling of disappointment. That would be the antithesis of buzz. It’s not good. I suspect that despite the hype this game will swiftly join that ranks of the OK. Sure those are only words, but my money is where my mouth is and this fan isn’t going to be purchasing COD:MW2 anytime soon.