Today is Data Protection Day. After the unremitting years of divisive persecution, estrangement, and torrid treatment of the poor, helpless, inanimate stuff, a special body has been created within the European apparatus to protect the recently determined rights of data. After some initial confusion, revolving around what some considered the eponymous personage at the focus of this event, a character from Star Trek: The Next Generation and the luridly absurd proposition that this celebration of warnings and hyperbole could in some way involve helping to control practically the access to personal information submitted to government bodies in good faith.The release document, and as it happens, the attentive internet community, then moved to consider how data may be best protected and ensconced within multifarious and multitudinous warehouses, databases, servers, portfolios and files and then locked down like the genome of the Dodo. Indefinitely.

Representatives from the radical international organisation Tfos Orcim who normally refute utterly and automatically any claim made by their counterparts at Elppa, the conservative monopolistic data giant, stand today shoulder to shoulder, like brothers of unestablished parentage, against the embryo of a common enemy, for there can be no doubt that the fourth of these dates is no present cause for concern, but perhaps represents a shadow of policy to follow. Evets Workless of ELppa, raised from the sick bed to do verbal battle said this morning, “The free sharing, deliberate or reckless, with or without malice aforethought, of any and all data, no matter how carefully obtained, accurate or inaccurate, and however personal is the absolute right of every American and every citizen of the free world. This careful manipulation of the facts by the oppressive regime now in power in the Tyrannic States of Europe is a clear example of why the people of the free world must stand together against responsibility, against privacy, and ultimately against public accountability!”

He continued, while in a breathtaking display of approbation his counterpart nods and smiles.

“Failure to prevent the adoption of so-called ‘responsible data use’ will lead to personal details being kept that way. Will lead to greater trust of politicians, will lead to reductions in crime, improve the profits of data sharing organisati and identity theft, will improve citizens’ relations with systems of government and ultimately undermine and perhaps, though I cannot for a moment believe it would happen, dilapidate and destroy our system of government, Anarchy.”

Despite their emphatic delivery Mr Workless comments may have fallen on deaf ears; only two hundred people were in attendance at his press conference in Sand Hill, Gambia while the TSE press release has been viewed more than three hundred million times and over a million hard copies purchased through the Nile.com internet shopping portal.

This is a GDMNW news bulletin by Gareth Newton-Williams, GDMNW, Alternative News.